I blabber therefore I am

New Year

2011-12-31T10:39:00.000-08:00

Here we go again.

Today we stop, mechanically, and wonder aloud, about the times gone and the times ahead.

Not that the backdrop of this being non-natural stops the amazement. Its always fresh and new. It just adds a little more color to imagination, perhaps grey.

There is silence, focus and bewilderment.

There is multitude of whats, what ifs, what wases and what nexts. There are some in my head, pretending to be sane. I look at them, some of them, tired and amused.

I tell myself, this is better than running in the maze. Atleast the rat slows down somewhat, if not stops. May be gets to look at the walls. Or may be this all is really part of the same game? Rat shudders and starts running again - faster.

Its New Year again.

Circles

2011-02-24T08:39:00.001-08:00

After running around in circles for a long time, you need to stop once and ask, ask really honestly and ask for once

From here, where? Now on, what?

Wanderings (of a not so idle mind)

2010-02-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

If there were no wrong there wont be any right. If there was nothing called beautiful there wont be anything ugly. If there is nothing complicated there is nothing simple. All constructs of the feeble mind. Vacillating between the two, is what are we.

Middle ground for me? I've been struggling to find one. I swing between the two fast enough to believe I am there.

On India

2009-09-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

Posted this somewhere on solution to India's political problems. Naive optimism this is, and perhaps far too simplistic in approach, but still. Here goes:

====
These are the thoughts that cross my mind:

- A complicated system like governance can only be made better by fixing one thing at a time. (excluding intricate dependencies)

- A ‘good’ democratic system is not possible without people being ‘good’. This is assuming that electoral system isn’t as rigged as everything else.

- Deeper implications of choices a voter makes(including not voting) need to sink in.

- One possible solution is to set an example in one constituency (and publicising it sufficiently) and building up on it aggressively. The ‘building aggressively’ on it part needs a non-trivial planning and like-minded individuals.

- Once there, one needs to avoid temptation of turning into a messiah. Alternatives (hopefully better than you) should exist and voter should be encouraged to make a fair choice.

Roughly speaking this is the path things should chart out.

What remains though is, who will bell the cat ?
=======

would you? would I?

Update

2009-09-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

One can use frequency of blog updates as a measure for whether a blog is dead. Based on the last post I would recommend that to be a year. This number is of course subject to updates :)

So what has changed ?

Apart from getting married(for more than a year now; yes it worked!) and switching my job (For past close to two weeks now I am working for Koreans. I am hoping they turn out to be better than Europeans, with crossed fingers and legs), nothing much.

I am wondering (with a bit of more seriousness) about the direction of my career. It has taken some time for this to sink in, or may be its the Recession, but it isn't going much places.

So you see, an Engineer (in India at least) takes the road of 'doing something' and then managing other Engineers who are 'doing something'. Occasionally, this involves setting the Engineering direction of the project(s), subject to business constraints. Add to this the usual hustle of political nature at any functional level. This model doesn't seem to be much different from any other industry I suppose.

Now, somehow this doesn't sound too exciting. Apart for elevated monetary benefits (and a pseudo sense of control) the end doesn't seem to be offering much. Not that I am not interested in the green thing, I somehow feel that this is too simple to be the correct approach. It is perhaps sadism on my part or plain extrapolation of effects of recession that I am seeing lately (middle-level management was hurt the hardest).

Or may be it is just that I am bored of working with technology (errmm, was it ever very exciting?) and would like to do something more 'real'. Or am I too old a monkey now to learn entirely new set of tricks? And is that going to help?

Green sounds like a decent end goal, especially if see myself 20 years from now, crippled with arthritis, diabetes, skin ailments, BP and all of those horrible things.

Oh well, I am still thinking. Some things don't change for sure.

Front line

2008-11-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

I can almost imagine perplexity of front line infantry. In fact, that isn't even a correct word to describe the thoughts.

It is raining. It is pitch dark. You can hear shots in a distance. You can hear tankers growling in your direction. You can almost see your end. You are cold. You are sweaty. You are a looking for a scapegoat to rid discomfort; but one is hard to find.

You know you are next. You know it is inevitable. You find it difficult to echo jingoism of the ones besides. You look at others with worried eyes. You force a smile, and ridicule the thought the next second.

You cannot run. You cannot hide. You have to face it, and it is here, if not now then in some time. You grapple for a fix. You device strategies, in vain. You tell yourself about hope. You tell yourself about past. You imagine the future.

You fool yourself yet again.

You look at the present, hard. You breathe deep. It's about time.

Beyond

2008-05-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

(Posted this on a community that talked about things beyond words)

.. and I have invested far too much time pursuing what is beyond. May be Love/God/something-beautiful exists beyond mundane existence. May be one has to find these things in the mundane existence.

But

Somehow, I am unsure about this pursuit of mine. I dont think I completely appreciate anything that needs to be 'found' or 'pursued' or 'realized'. All of these words sound enervating and energy sapping.

I understand one needs a conception of future and sense of pursuit for sustaining life but if its eating away the present, I wont be too comfortable with it.

I have liked to vote for a balance, but my conclusions have been based on the premise that I like to sustain my life, happily and that we need both of these(pursuit and lack of it) to be 'right'. Right is a loaded word with many connotations but I just couldnt think of another word.

I dont claim being correct, of course. However, I have convinced myself that it hasnt been a bad idea. Again, I am not dead yet and my eyes are still open. I cannot ignore what goes around and I cannot help changing if I continue to watch.

===

Hmm ... doesnt make sense as usual. But thoughts worth preserving.

Pie

2008-04-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants all of it.

Some act warriors, some act saints,
some are clowns, some act brains.

Some want now, and some can wait.

:)

SETI

2008-02-13T04:21:00.000-08:00

People still have hopes they'd find someone. Despite all the criticism levelled, they continue to send signals for anyone ready to recieve them, prime numbers and what not. I wonder what drives them, romantic folklore, a guilty escape ? They even have some random and famous fictional movies that support the view and explore the possibilities.

If one were to start aruguing, it can go both ways really.

"Naah, possibilities are remote"
"Big deal, if someone is around"
"It might be dangerous really"
"Whats wrong with you?"
"Isnt there anything more useful to do?"
"We might learn something interesting"
"Just for fun"
"Humanity is to explore"

.. and so on ..

Reason loses its meaning at some point really and may be thats the way it is supposed to be.

*shrugs*

Kudremukh

2008-01-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

A road trip to Kudremukh and a trek. Before I forget:

Day 0:
We were supposed to meet at a friends place by 10:30 and start by 3:00 in the morning. We managed to delay the meeting time to 1:00.

Day 1:
Bangalore - Kalasa : ~320 Km
We started off at 5:00 in the morning. Not only did we manage to screw up the sleep, we also delayed the starting time by 2 hours. We managed to reach Kalasa by afternoon around 14:30. The route we took was:
Bangalore - Nelmangala - Hassan - Belur - Kothigere - Kalasa.

The ~50km patch after Kothigere is horrible. Avoid taking that, if you can. It might be a better idea to go via Chikmangalur, as we did on way back.

Kalasa - Kudremukh town - Kalasa : ~40 Km
Since the trekking route comes under forest reserves you need to take permission from forest officials. The permission are for 6:00-18:00 (yep, you are not allowed to camp) The charges are nominal, (you can also get a guide) and people are friendly (Not rob-the-tourist kind). One of the forest officials (the guide), offered to host us at at his place in Mullodi (on the route). This is useful as it is best to start the trek early in the morning.

Day 2:
Mullodi - Kudremukh peak - Mullodi : 21 kms
I managed to finish it. Phew.

We started at 7:30 in the morning and were back by around 5. Ideal time, I would say.

Kudremukh peak is supposed to be ~6000ft above sea level. It derives the name from Kudre(Horse)Mukh(Faced).

Mullodi - Kalasa: ~15kms
Returned back to the hotel we had booked on day 1 (Yatri Nivas)

Day 3:
Kalasa - Sringeri - Kalasa: ~150 kms
We had initially decided to head back to Bangalore on the third day. Some of us pondered on the definition of a vacation. It was democratically (in a group of 3), decided that we should de-stress on third day. What followed was the drive to Sringeri through Kudremukh National Park. There are quite a few places, where you might want to stop. Lovely Bends.

Do note that, you would need a 'ticket' as you start from Kalasa towards Kudremukh (on the way to Sringeri). This ticket is to track the vehicles that got in the forest area and left it, just in case someone tries to act funny. You get it when you enter from either of the side.

This also happened to be New Year eve. By the night, no one was in a position to greet new year, a rare new year eve.

Day 4:
Kalasa - Horanadu - Kalasa : ~8kms
A temple of some kind. Some offered prayers, blah blah.

Kalasa - Bangalore : ~320 Kms
Initial plan was to start by 6:30 in the morning. As with all the plans, we managed to delay it sligtly, to 11:30. This way we could enjoy driving on the snake of the road in the night, we concluded.

One of the unsaid rules is, we dont race. I broke that. In my defense, it was clean, straight stretch and a random Pulsar guy was showing off. Well, well. Anyways, I conclude, Pulsar is the most powerful bike in 150cc segment. At full throttle and 110, when I just managed to level him, he _actually_ accelarated, with a pillion! Grr.

We were back in Bangalore by 10:45 (Thanks to flat tyres). Tanned and tired.

Awesome and unforgettable trip, this has been.

Home

2007-12-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

This is about my first home. The place where I have spent my first 10 years.

It is (yes, part of it still stands) in the busy street of Janakganj in Gwalior. A small dusty lane (large enough for two bikes, I suppose) connects it to the main street. It had (or probably still has) a red wooden door, visible from the main street. Interestingly, this small lane also has a huge wooden door (I remember this closed once, during Ayodhya times or was it something else).

The thing that I remember most distinctly is the 'gachh-ya' (terraces). These were some 8-10 in number. All of them at various elevation from the ground and interconnected by 'jeene' (stairs) or had 'mundher' between them. The stair would either be closed with no light source at all (making them 'haunted') or would be shaky wooden ones (lakda cha jeena) or slabs fitted in the wall. There would be stairs you'd be advised not going on to (making it all the more fun to climb!). There was one 'tulsi chi gacchi' that faced backside of the house, there was one 'mothi gacchi' which had a small divider in between. You can hop over from one to the other and you can do this all the day! I used to spend a good deal of my summer vacation trying to get my 'patang' to fly from one of these 'gacchis'. I was the only young boy in the whole house (of 10 people and many visitors) and was left all by myself to get that kite thing to fly. Occasional help from my sisters came after a good deal of pleading. I hate to admit it, but I was a loser at that. If I did manage to get the thing to fly, there would be 'sharks' around to claim the aerial territory. I forget the term used for this war of supremacy over the skies (patang ladana or something). The terms that I remember from the kite terminology .. patang, dagga(bigger patang), manja(the stronger thread used for flying), reel(the white one, which was used mostly for extending the length), charkhi(the designer wheels that had thread wrapped around it), jote (the knots that you'd tie to your kite) and there were many more.

As with gacch-ya, there were innumerable number of rooms in the house. One leading to another, which leads in two more and so on. These rooms were filled with trash from God knows how many years and carried that damp smell. And, thats what made them more interesting. If I were to ever dare venture in one of these rooms (which would not be too often), I would find an array of things to play with! One of the rooms I remember had a some swords, which I could barely lift. The most common item used to some books/documents wrapped up in a soft red/blue cloth.

We also had a well in our house (yes!), that direction used to be referred as 'kuya kade'. That made our house an attraction for many people in our 'galli'. People would come from all over the 'galli' to fetch water. Seeing the water glimmer in the well from the light coming through 'khidki' (window) was simply amazing.

Just after you enter the house, on the right side there was a long wall that went till the highest terrace. This wall had a plant of some kind growing on it, right in the middle of it. As a part of cleaning up, it'd be cut every few months.

The walls used to have 'konade'. These are small grooves in the wall where you can keep stuff. The walls on the 'gacchis' though were not as smooth and I guess were made by keeping rough stones one over the other, making the less amenable to any 'ball and the wall' kind of games. The swayapak-ghar (kitchen) had a chimney of some kind. It covered the whole width of the wall and went up to the terrace!

The house was messy, the house was big, the house was beautiful, the house was home.

* sighs *

Now? A quarter of it still stands. It is heart breaking to look at its current state. The house died really, at the hands of warring brothers and greedy neighbors.

I dont think I'd ever get to live in a place like that ever again and that ..... is really very sad.

Psuedo-random update

2007-10-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

I was hibernating really, may be dead or may be I still am or may be I never was alive. urmmphh .. NO.

Ok, so what rouseth me from my slumber is a tag. Here goes, 8 random things about me:

1. The name of this blog is psuedo-random noise. All it means is that the correlation dies with increasing amount of sample-gap as long as your analysis window is small enough not to capture repetetive pattern, in which case you see a patterened correlation envelope. Yeah right.

2. There is no zigobod in dictionary. It is prononuced Z-Eye-Go-Baud. I think, I can make it mean something really. Eyes Bauding.

3. I am color blind. Actually. Red-green. No, I am not going to answer what that color is! Its a palette thing. Look it up.

4. I once drove more than 500 kms over a period of 24 hours, slept for 2 hours did not doze off the next day or the next night till 6 in the morning(when I got all talli). (Ahem, its a bike)

5. I have made plans for genocide. Here goes the plan, we launch a sattelite that would would emit some kind of brain waves. All the brains that'd resonate with it would explode. Zero loss to property. Clean. (I fear the first one would be mine)

6. I have been living a peaceful life (well, almost) since last month, since I moved to staying alone. Contrary to what I feared, I am catching up with the mirage of getting organized.

7. Seriously, I am boring. I have realized this on occasions more than once. many more than once. I've tried to fix it, but no use. Now, I live with it.

8. I have theories as to why alcohol is bad. It screws your peace the day after hangover. No body agrees with it yet.

No tags. Buck stops here, atleast for this branch.

My cave calls me back and I have to go. Peace.

Helmets

2007-03-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Advantages of wearing a helmet, at home.

It is actually not just about helmet. Its about the back pack you decide not to take off and the keys in your hands that you decide not to drop.

- You can avoid arguments by clamining
+ you've gone crazy and hence cannot argue.
+ Utter something vague - like my helmet doesnt like the question
+ Its unsafe to talk or listen while driving

- It is a pure expression of iconoclasm. You tend to feel more strength to fight against the shit thrown around. Its like your own small boat in a really rough sea.

- With visor on, you dont have to shed a tear while cutting onions

- If you are eating you cant watch TV. Focus. There.

- Eating and drinking are far more fun and creative activities.

- You can safely sleep in living room. The stupid noise around gets attenuated, Also, you can blind yourself to TV.

- Not to mention, the safety. Agreed you tend to bump into things more often, but you have helmet on and there is no way you are getting hurt seriously.

- Thoughts are totally directed and focussed. Meditation.

- You tend to be far more creative in other endeavours of life, for ex, typing , with one hand still holding the bunch of keys or making use of your back pack like a pillow. This makes living far more fullfilling.

- With limited visibility and weight on your head, peace descends on your soul. You feel sleepy at the right time. Also, there is a sense of accomplishment of having done something real.

The world ..

2007-02-14T22:40:00.000-08:00

.. wants you to take a stand, have an opinion. This side or that one.

I dont really have any.

Would you still give me what I want? Does opinion matter that much to you?

Khaali samay ...

2006-12-19T05:54:00.000-08:00

skype with a colleague :)

--
AV: I've to give 173.33333333333 rs right ?
TP: ahh ..
TP: ok
TP: so it is ..
TP: 2019/3 - 500
TP: :)
AV: yes
TP: to be exact ..
TP: i'd be fine if you round it to ..
TP: 500
TP: :)
AV: what abt 100 ?
AV: floor
TP: mmm .. well ..
TP: lets settle for 150 ..
AV: ah 500 to 150 ; u would put the Marwaris of indore to shame
TP: :D
TP: deal ?
AV: I'd like to be mathemetically exact ; am subdividing paise to get there
TP: consider breaking the coins ..
TP: use some mathematical formula for that ..
AV: I'd pay u X today and X/n tomorrow - and X/sqr(n) day after
TP: ROFL ..
AV: it'll add to 173.333333..... as time tends to infinity
TP: yep right ..
TP: it'd be fun ...
AV: On 2nd thoughts - kemp fort guys knew there were 3 of us to divide - so they made things easier its (1999+20)/3 - 500 which comes exactly to 173 - I just looked into the bill - so chill
TP: wow ... now i know how they get chics to work there ..
TP: smart fellas
AV: yes - and we need to treat the 3rd party in the deal to a rasna too - when he pays up - u can use that as an incentive to get the money :)
AV: and to hire a woman to serve him rasna too
TP: aw ... that'd be a bit expensive ..
TP: may be we'll do some cross dressing ourselves ..
AV: as u remember except for beer gals (which is banned) and Jessica Lall (who's dead) women donot serve in our our country
TP: yeah .. thats sad ..
TP: we'll tell him that it was a guy who served us ...
AV: ok - a guy like the one wo ran and won us silver in asiad (if u beleive the 'authorities')

..
..
..
---

I still claim .. we _are_ busy people

..

2006-12-09T05:33:00.000-08:00

Just because it doesnt to you, doesnt mean it doesnt. The world does make sense. And it needs to be figured out. Fast.

In need of a theory.

Why ..

2006-12-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

.. do you keep searching ?
.. do you want to be understood ?
.. do you want to understand ?
.. do you want to identify ?
.. do you keep looking for answers ?
.. do you expect to find the end ?
.. isnt this the end ..?
.. a why ?

Is there no end ? or am i just procrastinating ...

You .. fool yourself again .. find a purpose .. get busy .. get a life .. and when you are blinded enough .. when this is a distant history .. something that was .. at this, you'll laugh louder than ever .. a confident, understanding, healthy, aloof laugh. And this has a name, life.

Me

2006-11-27T01:56:00.000-08:00

Down. Out. Alive.

--

How I wish I could hate you, for you deserve not even that.

Disgusted.

Schedule

2006-11-10T00:46:00.000-08:00

Code--Compile--damn! this instruction is not supported--Code--Compile--Execute--It ran in the first go!, something is seriously wrong--Ah.. this--Execute--Failures--debug-what the crap, how could I miss that--debug--sheeeks..I missed this too--debug--who the heck is modifying this register--debug--debug--debug--ooohh.. that is fundamentally fundamental--Recode--Recompile--Execute--debug--debug--debug--what the heck--debug--debug--debug--debug--debug--Coffee--bakar--debug--debug--which laptop do you suggest--debug--debug--debug--debug--Blog about this--debug--debug...

Still debugging.

Whats there to deny ?

2006-11-08T04:13:00.000-08:00

I am not going to write about it. Mostly because it is not really happening. Its not even an illusion I have. No. Not at all. There IS no it. I am not sad or depressed or anything like that. These are things of past. History. Dead. It doesnt really exist actually.

I am just a bit tired. Tired of the routine, coding, bugs .. thats it. No deep and profound heartaches. We've argued about it, isnt it? There are no such things as those. I am just gonna go and crash ... and wont think. Anyway, what is there to not to think about. Nothing is.

Hmm..

More fundas

2006-11-07T02:10:00.000-08:00

.. For reasons I dont claim to completely comprehend, I am right. In fact I am as much right a human can be, even more. You can argue with me, give me some reasons which might look correct to the rest of the world. But, there is something deeply sinister in your arguments, which you might or might not realize. I can, if I want, find some counter-arguments, some anti-thesis, but it just is'nt worth the effort. Coz, we know that I am right anyway, is'nt it. Why spend eternity on arguments.

Ok, so you think that I am saying something which is contrary to what I said not so long ago(May be month/hour/minute/seconds) ? I know you think so, it happens with people who are incorrect most of the times. Actually, I might have never said what you thought I said or may be I am not saying what I am saying, whatever. May be its your brain playing games with you, may be it is something else, whatever it is, I am right. And, here is the fun part, you think you'll be right if you were to agree with me ? You think so, right ? No freakin way.

I am right. Period.

:)

MPD unleashed

2006-10-31T07:20:00.000-08:00

Just to record the fact that this person has changed again. This time into an enthused, happier, meaner and insensitive individual. Contradictory ? too bad.
He was going to write something poetic about this transition. But now, he is just too busy with hundreds of things running through his head, things to be sorted out, path to be paved etc etc.

Peace? naah .. illusion ..

Keep rockin .

Mine,
TP

.

2006-10-23T04:27:00.000-07:00

Whats more depressing ?

World is going to hell .. or ..

its just you ?

Random

2006-10-21T03:54:00.000-07:00

The second best to acquiring knowledge is to assume that you already have it. This saves you the heartache from feeling stupid, when you dont really need to and might make you actually work towards it just to avoid the embarassment. You are never going to open the to-do.txt anyway.

On second thoughts .. thats the way possibly .. it has always worked ..

Hmm

PS:32 hours of journey complete with Indian sense of hospitability makes one act stranger than usual.

Me

2006-10-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

Problem is not with changing too often or too much, its the effort to keep pace with oneself that strains the last fibre inside.

Wish, let go, if there is such a thing, was easier ..

Arz kiya hai ..

2006-10-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

screwed up meter .. skewed rhyme .. astray thoughts .. but what else is this space for ...

.. here goes ..

--
ik Woh hai, jo Jeeta hai, Jalta hai, bas ik roz,
ik Hum hain, Jo Sulagte hain, Marte hain har ik roz

ik Woh hai, jo So Jaata hai, Khamoshi main bas ik roz,
ik Hum hain, jo Jaage hain, har ik raat har ik roz

ik Woh hai, jo Gum ho Jaata hai, Tanhai main bas ik roz,
ik hum hain, jo khote hain, khud ko hi har ik roz

Kehte hain fanaah kar deti hai anjaam-e-muhabbat
muhabbat-e-anjaam, layegi, Yahi, Is aur, kisi roz

dekhegi dastaan yeh bhi anjaam kisi roz,
dostana hogi tanahi, humse bhi kisi roz,
Dhoondhe hain Qayamat ki woh ik rah woh ik roz,
Jeete hain, Marte hain, ab Khaatir Usi ik roz
--

It does work !

2006-10-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

.. So that orkut crush thing actually works ...

"Take a deep breath and ponder this...

orkut has unmasked a shared affection
And shown twinned wounds from Cupid's darts.
But while we aid in love's detection,
Its future path lies twixt your hearts."

twinned wounds from Cupid's darts ? .. Ahem ..

Ok, it was an experiment, NOthings cooking. Even if something were, I trust my cooking capabilities too well to expect anything palatable :|

Reset ..

2006-09-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

yup .. thats what I need .. a system wide .. DODAL .. reset ... and if that dont work ... may be a scrubber .. for this brain ..

.. argghhh ..

Just for a change ..

2006-09-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

Hmm .. doesnt look as gloomy as the old one. On the downside I need to add the blogger-links again.

Shall fix that soon ..

Updates

2006-09-10T02:46:00.000-07:00

A random update and a cobweb cleaning exercise -

SO, I am actually going to enjoy one of those long weekends in the usual sense of the word. A tentative plan for a trip to Jog falls with few enthusiasts -

Friday 29th Evening 3:00 from office

Blr -> Tumkur 66Km

Tumkur -> Tiptur 62Km

Tiptur -> Birur 82Km

Birur -> Shimoga 61Km

Night Halt at Shimoga

Saturday 30th morning 7:30AM from Shimoga

Shimoga -> Jog 80Km

Jog -> Kollur 60Km

Kollur -> Augumbe 60Km

Agumbe -> Sringeri 26Km

Night Halt Sringeri

Sunday 1st Oct morning 11:AM from Sringeri

Sringeri -> Chikamagalur 90Km

Chikamagalur -> Bangalore 260Km

Ahem .. ~800 kms in 3 days. I've decided to call this exciting. Shall post some snaps if I do survive this.

Weekends

2006-08-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Weekends are anomalies. They arent normal. Probably, a deal of Satan and God. An indulgence forced upon humanity. Why ? Read on ..

The probability that it is a weekend when you lazily open your eyes in the morning is 2/7 (~0.285), compare this to a weekday probability, 5/7 (~0.715) ! We, the humans, the machines, the robots, have an inclination towards believing something that is favoured by statistics. You getting what I am coming at ? No ?... wait.

You DONT expect it to be a day where you've nothing to DO. Life falls out of gear. You get up late, first victim is the breakfast, next your cleanliness, then yor lunch and the evil game of the devil stops in the night. I suspect, He smiles. By then you have already resorted to some kind of intoxication, are confused and are wondering what went wrong. Though the results of a detailed scientific investigation are awaited, I would go overboard and conclude - weekends have a tendency of leaving gullible individuals distraught, confused and overwhelmed.

I suspect it finds roots in weak-ends. Meaning the ends of the week where one finds oneself weak enough to stop thinking reasonably. Difficult to believe, even Gods are not beyond such bizzare weekend phenomena.

Just to quote few of the numerous bizzare things that happened over this weekend -
- Sea water at Mahim Beach turns sweet. Under investigation
- Idols turn into babies, drink milk. Again. Under investigation
- I turn into a daal, non-edible kind. Under investigation.

Weekends !

The Black Goat - Revisited

2006-08-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

This was posted on one of my blogs around a year ago. This happens to be the first anniversary of this accident. Yes, It was the same 15th August induced long weekend. As is usual, the young and vibrant ones of us decided to freak out. Looking back, it was a fun trip, at least as much fun as a long-outstation drive can be. Usual dumb-charades, old friend jokes, prof bashing etc. It was the end which made it sour.

--
Lingayappa gives his hand a full swing and a stone starts its trajectory towards the double glassed front of sumo. The goat that we hit had most probably died. Villagers behind are just not ready to give up in their marathon for money. By the time the stone shatters the glass, Lingayappa (or whoever he is) is ready with another one , this time targetting the people sitting inside. Everyone ducks as we go past him and thankfully no damage, to the glass or to the tourists on their way to kill time and goats if they find any. After a turn two buses stand, side by side. A potential danger, hearts sink for a minute. Fortunately, one of them moves a bit away making way for us .. the accidental culprits. Every potential block , even a cyclist driving by the side make us skip a beat. Sufficiently removed from site of the accident, the damage analysis kicks in. "it could have been worse!","who pays for the glass ?","poor goat", "we should have been slower","what if we didnt run ?","what do we tell the cops ?","what if it was a kid ?","what if they had a vehicle","get over it now!"

Fierce discussion, bit low in volume, ensue, with occassionally heads turning, superstitiously, eyes looking in distance for potential chasers on cycles, ricksahws, bykes ... foot!

As some observe, driving in night with such glass is risky. Mysore is the place where we decide to get the glass changed, and here comes the difficult part of money. Maran, the driver, is ready to pay for the damages but doesnt want this to be known to his boss. Unfortunately, he doesnt have money, or so he claims. The optimists, fools, believers, non-sceptics are ready to pay on condition that it is returned ... the more sceptical ones, not ready to give in an inch , insist on intimation to boss, looking beyond the money and at loss of a life. Maran wins, and we are one our way to bangalore, silent, sleepy, tired and feeling like victims of fate.

After dropping the last passenger home Maran promises to return the money next morning. Ready to give his license,sumos key and cell phone as security. Insensitivity to the drivers fate is not at its peak and these things are not taken in custody. Maran doesnt turn up and breaks his promise of meeting thrice. The sceptic inside smiles at you. After a tough talk with Maran you get the money back. The anguished look at his face, doesnt help the mental situation either.

At the end of the whole turn of events, senitivity inside cries at the fate of goat, the driver. Something make me feel that we have infected the world a bit more with distrust. Could we have helped it ? probably not ..

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Looking at it now, saner me would call it an over reaction. Captive of conditioned response a person is, if something like this were to happen again, I somehow doubt if I'll use my learnings a lot.

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grr .. its the 7-8th time m republishing it ..

You know what ...

2006-06-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, I can see that. I can see that you are looking at me. I can almost feel that glare on my shoulders. That smirk. That careless flick of your locks in my direction. That oh-so-typical tilt of your head.

What is it ?? Can we get done with this game please !
Speak it out for heavens' sake !

.
.
.

Ahh .. Hypocricy.

You know what .. you can fool others by that. They .. they know Nothing, nothing with a capital N. What do they know after all ? Some scientific terms crammed into those nut-sized brains ! Some definitions they endlessly argue about. They are smart with that ... too smart, thats why you could get away with it so far. Not anymore. Not with me. It dont work with me dude .. dont at all.

What after all the worlds' got to say about you. Just another object lying in an insginificant corner of a room. A room with a slightly higher level of entropy.
I know. I know you are not as inanimate as you pretend to be. It is not by chance that this has happened, you made me carry you to the the room by those brain-controlling-waves of yours. And it is not by chance that you are sitting right there looking at me, looking right at me in that _alooof_ manner of yours. I know. It isnt that humanly, or bagly for that matter, effort of yours. It is a well planned execution to insult me.

OK, I know I am supposed to keeping things tidy, get organized, get things done ..BLAH BLAH BLAH. Havent I had enough of that crap already? Why you have to keep reminding that to me? Why you have to bring up things like this time and again ??

You know what .. I am too old for these tricks of yours. I am not a cloth and wire thing like you to get mended. You'll need to be sitting right there atleast for a century and a half to get things done from me. And you know what ... I doubt if it'd work even then.

Huh ..

PS: No its not cocaine, though I cant be sure.

What if ?

2006-06-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

What if .. it was a lie .. not a misguided, misinterpreted, plain dumb conclusion but a premeditated barefaced lie ! What if it was never meant to be this way ? What if , what if it never has happened ?? It scares me to death to think of it !

But , what if ... what is far more worse and probably true ... what if ... it was actually true !!

Phew ...

:))

Back !

2006-06-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

Back to the world of blogging. Why ? Why did I disappear at all ?

I guess somethings are best left unanswered. There should be something left unexplored.

Is this a suicide ? Possibly, but lets add this to not-to-question list :)

So, here I am to vent out what lies beneath (but not the thing underneath). This possibly irks the expressive bloggers here, but I am ready to take burden of the sin and still hope to happily blog for some time to come.

Shall see you again :)

Yours lovingly,
TP